How Budgeting Can Save your Finances
There are not a lot of topics more dangerous in a relationship than money. Whether you don’t have enough of it, need a careful balance to get by, or have more than you need – managing money is never easy. In fact, money is one of the number one issues that causes relationships to crumble and marriages to die.
But even if you are married and plan on staying that way, finances matter. An American Express survey actually found that over one third of couples reported that finances were the most stressful aspect of their relationship.
But why?
Well the simple answer is that opposites attract, and this is incredibly apparent than when it comes to two people’s spending habits and money personalities. Dave Ramsey calls them the “Free Spirit” and the “Nerd.” Take a few seconds to think. You probably know which one you are.
I, like many of the readers on Living Rich with Coupons, am a nerd. I like money. I like organizing money. I like knowing, every day, where my money is and where it is going. And I love the feeling I get from maximizing my money with coupons and stacked deals. It’s like a game to me.
My husband, on the other hand, is more the free spirit. Though he is good with numbers, he has traditionally been less careful about them. Spread sheets and price comparing are not on his list of fun things to do with his time.
Now of course, over the 8 years of our marriage, life has caused up to change and evolve. My husband has become quite an astute money manager and I am less judgmental. But at our core, we know who we are.
As my own experience has proven and as countless financial and marriage experts will tell you, however, there is only one way for the finances in a marriage to work, particularly one in those first two categories where the amount of money is an issue. The nerd and the free spirit need to see eye-to-eye and the best place for this to happen is at a budget meeting.
What Is a Budget Meeting and Why Does it Matter?
Depending on the state of your finances and how well you are matched, budget meetings may take place weekly, biweekly, monthly, or even quarterly. They are a chance for you to “check in” with your spouse regarding your spending and earning levels as well as take a look at goals and make new ones.
In general, the “agenda” at a budget meeting changes depending on the time of year and state of your affairs. You may check out spending on a particular line item (such as groceries), talk about saving for a large purchase or trip, or try to flush out patterns that have created positive or negative results.
But having a regular budget meeting with your spouse is about so much more than money. You see, although money is the “reason” many people give for their stresses or the ultimate failure of a marriage, money is really not the cause. It’s the symptom.
The way we handle money has to do with more than just dollars and sense. It has to do with our pasts, with our core beliefs and values, and with our fears and dreams. By openly discussing money with your partner you also open up the conversation to these other topics. You learn from and about each other in a more directed, purposeful way. Ideally, this type of honesty and open communication will enhance your marriage in other areas as well.
Oh, and you also manage your finances.
How to Have a Budget Meeting
So what do you need to do to have a successful budget meeting? Well, there are no hard and fast rules. The most important part is that you talk openly and in an organized way and that you do so on a regular basis. However, there are a few guidelines that are especially helpful for couples who are just starting out:
1. Set the Time
Figure out the frequency that works best for your schedule and your needs and schedule the meeting in like you would a doctor’s appointment. For most people, monthly meetings are enough to manage the changing needs of each month’s expenses without feeling like a chore. However, especially at first and in crisis situations, weekly or biweekly meetings may be necessary as well.
2. Set the Scene
The environment and tone of your meeting will set the scene for the way in which you will approach the follow through. Therefore, make sure that you find a quiet space, free from clutter. Meet when the kids are asleep or at school to prevent them from interrupting. Put the cell phone away and concentrate on your spouse and your agenda.
3. Come Prepared
Speaking of agenda – this is another critical thing to have, at least in your head. Make sure you know what you need to discuss, gather statements or update budgeting apps before you arrive, and write down any decisions you make in order to hold yourself accountable.
4. Be Flexible and Understanding
If you and your spouse are especially mismatched in terms of your spending habits, it is important to take the budgeting meeting in stride. As they say, Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither is a marriage. It is important to start small, making little changes you can both agree on and to be understanding of slipups. If necessary, design a system of “allowance” or fun money that will help you to manage spending so that no one feels restricted or controlled.
With a little work and patience, the budget meeting can transform both your finances and your marriage for the better. By checking in, remaining accountable, and staying connected you ensure that you have the tools and the focus you need to meet your financial goals – together.
**Do you have budget meetings with your spouse? What advice can you provide for making them work?**
